10 Survival Tips & Tactics for Eating Veg in a Non-Veg World
Some people are afraid that their social lives will suffer when they eliminate meat and dairy from their diet, since social occasions and food tend to go hand-in-hand. For anyone who has ever thought it is difficult as a vegetarian to dine out, to eat at the home of a non-vegetarian friend, or to find food to eat at parties, I hope this can be a guide and a resource.
1. Be Specific. Not everybody knows what it means to eat "vegetarian" or "vegan," and it’s important for vegetarians/vegans to be specific about what their needs are. I know plenty of people who think chickens are plants with wings or who think "chicken broth" is vegetarian. They think as long as there are no chickens floating around in it, it’s acceptable for those who don’t eat birds. So be clear and ask for exactly what you want.
Scenario Suggestion: When eating out, or when invited over a friend’s for dinner, it’s helpful to state specific foods. So you can say to your server "This dish/menu sounds wonderful. Just to be clear, I’m vegan, so please tell me if I order something with eggs, meat broth, cheese, milk, or cream." I’ve never had a server unwilling to accommodate me, and this takes care of any potential misunderstandings.
2. Be Positive. Most likely, you made the choice to leave animals off your plate because it makes you feel good — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If that’s your truth, then that’s exactly what you should express to those around you. Your attitude will influence the perception and attitude of others about what it means to be vegan.
Scenario Suggestion: When ordering in a restaurant, of course it’s polite and appropriate to thank the server for accommodating you, but try not to apologize to the point of being self-effacing. If you had a food allergy, you would just explain to the server and move on. Your food preferences are just as valid when based on ethical reasons. And remember, you’re paying them – they should accommodate you if they want to keep your business. So thank them, but then just move on.
3. Be Confident. Food is a personal as well as political subject that has been known to bring up people’s defenses, and vegetarians have found themselves on the receiving end of ridicule, criticism, interrogations, jokes, and plain old rudeness. Remaining confident that the attack has nothing to do with you personally will help you take the encounter in stride. Also, don’t feel you need to carry the weight of defending all the benefits of vegetarianism. If asked why you make the choices you do, speak from your heart and tell your truth. That is much more powerful than trying to espouse all the latest nutrition research that supports vegetarian eating (and of course there’s lots of it!).
Scenario Suggestion: You are at a party, and someone – rather hostilely – says to you, "I just finished a book by a prominent anthropologist, and he provides a lot of evidence that humans were never pure vegetarian at any point in our evolution." Many might be tempted to respond with the fact that early humans actually gathered more than they hunted, that we’re physically designed to eat vegetarian diets, etc., and if your goal is to win an argument, then argue away. But, consider an alternative response that diffuses the attack, speaks to the real issue, and enables you to remain true to yourself. You could say something like "I don’t know much about anthropology, but I do know that I feel really good about eating this way. It’s better for my health and certainly better for the animals. And besides, isn’t being human about doing things better than the way we did them before, especially as we learn more?"
4. Be Generous. Co-workers, neighbors, clients, friends, and family all appreciate the gift of homemade goodies, and every vegetarian knows the power of delicious food. Anytime non-vegetarians try your infamous meatless chili or your decadent dairy-free cookies, they are exposed to dishes they may have never chosen on their own, and often they’ll walk away with a new perception about "vegan food."
Scenario Suggestion: Bring muffins in for your morning office meeting, leave cookies on your neighbor’s porch, make a cake for a special occasion and share it with co-workers. You can visit www.compassionatecooks.com to get lots of delicious recipes.
5. Be Assertive. I’d be lying if I said that healthful plant-based options are available in every restaurant, but they are available in almost every restaurant whose focus is not "American cuisine." Every other cuisine, from Italian and Thai to Indian and Mexican, offers plenty of healthful vegan dishes. But for those times when you don’t have a say in choosing the restaurant, at an employee lunch or office party, it’s worth calling the restaurant in advance to find out which menu items can be made meat- and dairy-free or what they can make special to accommodate you.
Scenario Suggestion: Most people don’t like having their food choices be the center of attention, especially when people may already perceive veganism as "different" or "difficult," but anytime I’ve asked for something "off the menu," everyone else at the table has coveted my meal. They had no idea you could suggest something different than what’s on the menu, and they will wish they followed your lead!
6. Be Attentive. The stereotype that vegans talk all the time about being vegan is, well, true, but only because once a meat-eater learns you’re vegetarian, you become their Confessor, counselor, and sounding board. They often proceed to tell you how often they eat meat or how they’ve become vegetarian except for the chickens and fish they still consume. Though you’ve heard it before, be respectful, be attentive, and be sensitive. They clearly want to identify as a "vegetarian" and are trusting you with a bit of information about themselves. What they are saying may be more important than what you have to say in response. Ask them questions instead of simply responding.
Scenario Suggestion: A non-vegetarian tells you she tried to be vegetarian but it was too hard. Ask her what was hard about it. She tells you she doesn’t want to know about how the animals are treated. Ask her what she thinks might happen if she knew. The point is to create a dialogue and to realize that it is not "me against you," the "vegetarian against the meat-eater," but rather us against cruelty, us against violence. For those of us who are vegan, it’s also important to remember our own stories so we don’t become self-righteous. At one time or another, most of us ate animals and their secretions and some of us relied on silly excuses to continue eating them.
7. Be Prepared. There may be times when a work or family event centers around meat (like a barbecue) or takes place in a restaurant that is unfavorable to vegans (such as a steakhouse). At such times, it might be worth eating something before you go and/or bringing your own food to eat when you get there. It may be inconvenient, but it’s better than not eating at all, and once again, the food you bring will most likely inspire others to try something new. To be perfectly frank, BBQs – when they’re not vegetarian – are the one event I refuse to attend. It’s just much too painful and offensive to witness the ravenous gluttony of this meat-fest, but I don’t want to make it seem like being vegan isolates you. I don’t not attend because there wouldn’t be something for me to eat – I don’t go because I don’t want to; it’s just too upsetting.
8. Be Equipped. There are numerous occasions that offer the opportunity to bring a dish. Bringing your favorite vegan lasagna or chocolate cake is a surefire way to ensure that you’ll enjoy the fare, and it’s a wonderful way to introduce people to delicious and nutritious veg food.
Scenario Suggestion: If you are attending a dinner party where guests were not asked to bring a dish, you might want to call to find out if it’s okay that you bring something. Or, better yet, ask the hostess if you can alleviate some of the cooking burden for her and bring one of the dishes. It would also provide you with an opportunity to clarify what you eat (see #1).
9. Be Humorous. Non-vegetarians as well as vegetarians can get a little uptight around such a sensitive subject. Humor has a way of diffusing tension. Always keep in mind that whatever jokes non-vegetarians might make at your expense, it really has nothing to do with you. Passive aggressive though these people are, it will help to respond with humor and levity.
Scenario Suggestion: I try to keep things light while at the same time telling the truth. So, for instance, when I’m around non-vegetarians and one might say something about the chicken sandwich they had for lunch and then they turn to me to apologize, I usually say something like "look – don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the chickens." It’s a good way to get people thinking without being judgmental; besides, this has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the animals. Responding with levity to hostility is always a good way to go.
10. Be Vocal. One thing some non-vegetarians don’t understand – I don’t think I really understood it before I was vegan – is that to sit in a restaurant watching everyone chewing on animals is an incredibly painful experience. Eating at a vegetarian or, better yet, vegan restaurant is so wonderful – not just because you can choose anything on the menu – but because it’s a nonviolent atmosphere. There’s kind of a feeling of serenity when you look around you and know that no animals were (intentionally) killed in the making of the meals and everyone’s just munching on wonderful plant-based food.
Scenario Suggestion: So, when you can speak up and ask your friends or family or co-workers to try a vegetarian restaurant, I encourage you to do so. If you’re a non-vegetarian, extend an invitation to your vegetarian friend to go to a veg restaurant. That way, everyone can eat and experience the abundance!
The Holidays: I want to say a quick note about the holidays. Many of these suggestions will help, I think, but here’s another sure-fire way to ensure all the food is vegan: host a holiday dinner yourself. You can make it potluck style, guiding non-vegans about what to bring, giving them recipes, etc. It will inspire them to make something vegan, although they’ll probably realize they cook vegan all the time but never called it vegan. There are times I’ve gone back East for the holidays and cooked the entire holiday meal (with some help from my hubby, of course) for our families. They were happy to have someone do all the cooking, and the meal was something everyone was able to enjoy. Yes, it means more work, but whatever. A few hours in the kitchen is nothing compared to what the animals endure.
Tags: animals, chicken, Community, eating out, Food, Food Production, Health and Health Products, Home and Garden, Local Food, Outdoors, Recreation, restaurant, social tips, sustainable, vegan, vegetarian
September 12th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
On “Imposing Beliefs on Others”
I think it is helpful to define what is meant by “imposing.” Imposing implies force of some kind. Politically, the sovereign state can impose whatever beliefs it wants through force. As a practical matter, the individual cannot really impose any beliefs on anyone in this country that is not already a law without getting into trouble with the law themselves (assuming non-guardian relationships). So, nobody is imposing anything on anyone with these comments, for example, or in real life, unless they are breaking the law.
If we are talking about persuading or convincing others of certain beliefs, then we should call it persuading or convincing. I see nothing wrong with attempting to persuade or convince others to our beliefs, especially if our beliefs result in less violence and harm in the world. If someone feels guilty, for example, because I’ve told them how buying flesh or animal products contributes to harm and suffering that makes them feel very uncomfortable, I have not imposed anything on them. If anything, I’ve done them a huge favor by informing them of something they ought to know.
So, I will continue to *not* impose my beliefs on anyone, but I will never willingly stop attempting to persuade people of living a less harmful and less violent life.
Who is imposing on whom?
Let’s address this question of who is imposing beliefs on whom when it comes to nonhumans and their right to live free of gross injustice, serious harm, and murder (murder being defined in the moral sense as the intentional killing of the innocent).
Non-vegans impose, in the ultimate sense of the word and its force implications, their violent beliefs on 10 billion land animals annually and impose that way of life on vegans every day by breeding, enslaving, and killing animals (or buying product from those who do) and forcing vegans, through the law, social institutions, and their vast numbers, to refrain from imposing our much more sane and just beliefs on them. Because non-vegans have so much overwhelming power in every way, imposing beliefs is simply not an option for vegans, while imposing beliefs (on nonhumans and vegans) is the only way non-vegans do what they do. Vegans, as a practical matter, have only persuasion and reasoning as a viable way of changing the world at this time.
So, the suggestion that vegans impose beliefs on society or individual non-vegans in society is beyond absurd (excluding legal guardian relationships). Vegans will only start imposing beliefs when we have persuaded enough people with enough power to be *capable* of imposing on others who have not been persuaded.
Finally, imposition itself, like power or intelligence, is morally neutral. It is the moral content of what is being imposed which has either positive or negative moral value. For example, the Nazis *imposed* their beliefs on Jewish people and the allies. I think that was a morally wrong imposition. OTOH, the allies in WWII *imposed* their beliefs on the Nazis. I think that was a morally right imposition.
September 12th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Sorry for the second consecutive post, but I’d like to address ValkRaider:
I could see your brand of defensiveness played out in the days of slavery:
*Abolitionist:* “Humans shouldn’t be owned as chattel property. It‘s just much too painful and offensive to witness the injustice and lack of dignity that these slaves must endure at the hands of their so-called masters. It’s really disgusting.”
*Slave owner:* “Being an abolitionist doesn’t mean you have to piss off every person around you who wants to own slaves. Respect their choices as much as you would like them to respect your choices.
And of course people get defensive, myself included. Because abolitionists believe that they are somehow better than us because they have made a moral choice. When the reality of the world is that people are owned as slaves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. At all, in any way shape or form. It is called the proper place of the strong and the weak. It is the way nature works.
It is not torture to own a slave. If you truly wanted to make things better for slaves you would work to improve the conditions of ownership and abuse. You would work to make kind ownership the norm again - and get rid of laws that allow slaves to be beaten so much. The only reason the monstrosities we have now exist is because people can get away with beating their slaves to death. We can reform slavery and make it a wonderful institution.”
*Abolitionist:* “The entire institution of slavery is inherently wrong, regardless of treatment. Even if you wanted to regulate slavery, you never could. It’s impossible to regulate property because property rights always trump welfare laws. You need to learn more about what you’re talking about before you attempt to defend this immoral institution.”
Were abolitionists “better than” slave owners? Or was it just that abolitionist were right and slave owners were wrong?
September 12th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
I’d remind all sides in this discussion that this is a moral debate. In character, it’s no different from, say, a Christian proselytizing an Aborigine, to persuade them to a different, “better” moral code (and other beliefs, but that’s not really pertinent here).
The way I see it, vegans view all animals as equally sentient (or at least sufficiently sentient to deserve equal treatment in this regard). I *think* that the key element of sentience driving this is the animal’s capacity to suffer.
Is that fairly close to the mark?
September 12th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Boyd:
Certain moral issues are clearly a matter of right and wrong; and then there are moral dilemmas and gray areas, which are not clearly a matter of right and wrong. I’d remind all sides to consider the weight of the arguments provided here from a calm, disinterested point of view, with prejudices held in suspense, and not dismiss well-reasoned positions as “proselytizing” people to favored superstitions, etc. Morality is not religion.
About sentience, yes, many animal rights advocates claim, along with Professor Gary Francione, a certain degree of sentience (which vertebrates generally, if not always, have) as sufficient for moral personhood, and therefore, serious moral consideration. Other animal rights advocates, such as Professor Tom Regan, claim a “subject-of-a-life” criterion for moral personhood. The subject-of-a-life may exclude some which sentience would not, but subject-of-a-life certainly includes pigs, chickens, goats, cows, etc.
September 12th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Dan, that almost sounds like your saying your morality is more important than my morality. And you would do well to follow your own advice and hold your own prejudices in suspense. I was merely offering an example that I supposed that most could appreciate. The correlation between one individual’s moral stance (animal rights) and another individual’s moral stance (religion) doesn’t strike me as unreasonable. But that could just be me.
And your second paragraph highlights another difficulty vegans have with laying out their positions: commonly accepted definitions are hard to come by. Granted, I’m a newcomer to these discussions, but the “sentience as the capacity for suffering” position has been the most predominant I’ve seen. I can’t even infer what “subject-of-a-life” might mean, and I don’t have time to Google it right now, but the point is that it’s not a concept that will be easily understood by someone who hasn’t already been involved in the discussion to some degree.
I’ll stop for now. As some can attest, I have this nasty habit of getting longwinded.
September 12th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Boyd:
To clarify, what I’m saying is that morality is a matter of carefully reasoning through our actions and habits in a mostly, of not entirely, objective and disinterested way by putting ourselves in the positions of others (including conscious, sentient animals) and honestly seeing if there is anything we might seriously object to as a matter of justice and/or empathy. It’s the old Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you if you were them. It’s seriously considering how you would want others to behave if you had an equal chance of being born a pig or a human, considering all of the vegan options and nutritional knowledge available in 2007.
If “someone’s morality” has better reasons supporting it than “another’s morality”, then the one with the better reasons is, in fact, better. Morality is not some mysterious entity we can know nothing about, nor is it the arbitrary “authority” of some book. Morality, with empathy for others, can be reasoned through and better reasoning can lead to better conclusions.
Sentience and subject-of-a-life are not so different that they should cause much fuss, except among philosophers and legal scholars, because they are almost the same thing and overlap in 99% of our food, experimentation, and entertainment uses of animals. I’d say don’t be overly concerned about that; it primarily a difference of precisely where to draw the line. When most of us are vegan, then we can argue about that distinction.
As far as Christian justifications for veganism goes, read the verses in Genesis prior to The Fall of Man, where God said: “‘See, I give you every seed-bearing plant all over the earth and every tree that has seed-bearing fruit on it to be your food; and to all the animals of the land, all the birds of the air, and all the living creatures that crawl on the ground, I give all the green plants for food’. And so it happened. God looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good.” That was BEFORE the Fall. Let’s pick ourselves up again. There’s more where that came from at http://www.all-creatures.org. Enjoy.
September 13th, 2007 at 1:27 am
I don’t think an animal on my plate made a sacrifice, Jan, since he or she was forced to die. So I would leave that portion of the meal, and if the cook is insulted, that’s minor compared to what the animal went through.
September 13th, 2007 at 1:38 am
Yoshi, eating meat is hardly a new idea, and traditions obviously don’t speak for what’s right or wrong. People who apologize to vegans are really judging themselves.
September 13th, 2007 at 3:18 am
Strawman.
Show me one place in the natural order of things where one species of animal enslaved members of their own species.
I have shown you how in the natural order of things animals eat other animals. As part of the natural system. It is a system after all, and all parts of the system must work together. Humans are the only species who actually BREAK the system. (In more ways than food).
But slaves were HUMAN and farm animals are not. So it is a pretty big stretch you try to make there…
September 13th, 2007 at 3:52 am
I have to say that I still eat meat. I don’t eat factory farmed meat and if I can’t determine where the meat comes from then I don’t eat it. This means when I go to restuarants, it is completely vegetarian. I doubt we have any restuarant in our region that is vegan but the area is supported by agricultural roots. There is one restaurant that is strictly vegetarian and most others have one or two vegetarian dishes. I do however respect friends who choose the path of the vegetarian. I do not know any vegans nor are any of my family vegetarian.
I would like to say that for some of us, eating meat is part of our religion and a very strong foundation to it. Even as some religions have restrictions on certain meats or how food is to be prepared, others have requirements that must be met when you go before the gods. These are considered mainly Pagan or Heathen religions but we are out here and consider it a very important part of our spiritual path.
While, I wish I could say that I met each and every animal it just isn’t so. However I do make sure to get my animals from respected and known sources so that I know my pig was raised properly and handled respectfully through the entire process. Same with the buffalo (farm raised) or poultry my family eats. We don’t buy beef anymore as none is grown locally by people who respect the animal. Even then, we eat meatless meals 3-4 days a week minimum. Though our fruits and vegetables do not come from local sources. Simply because there are no local sources.